Things are looking up.

Things are definitely looking up. Seems like this is the end of the big drought.
For several months, it seemed like there was no end, no loophole. I felt pretty lonely from time to time, not exactly without friends, but, I have to admitt, especially without a boyfriend. It’s kinda… sad? resigning? when all your friends (girls) have a boyfriend. When there is no other topic but “OH. He is SO sweet, you know…” Blablabla. I mean, I feel happy for them, I feel really happy. But it’s quite annoying, if you can’t contribut anything.

But now, the horizon seems to light up 😉
Actually, nothing special. But the last few days, I got at least into contact with new people. I even got some (!) invitations, not really dates, but kind of. It’s amazing, how easy it is to boost an – well, at least my – ego.
Well, I’m excited, how all turns out to be. Really.
I hope, my ‘winter – drepression’ now is all over.

I also will update the music stuff, as I haven’t done this for a long time.
And, as you might have noticed, there’s a new header. New time, new design.

And, in addition to the new music-stuff, I’d like to recommend M 94.5 to you. It’s a small, german radio station in Munich, where I live, and they really play a lot of good music (and quite a bit VERY strange stuff!).

Lack of Understanding.

Sometimes, I’d just like to kick someones’ ass. I mean, I know, I don’t post as regularly as I should do, but I DO post quite often. At least compared to 2008.
My english-teacher told me some days ago, if I want to improve, I’ll have to do a lot more writing-, reading-, listening- and – especially – grammar-stuff.
What the heck?!
Well, all right, there were a lot of miskakes. Yes. But… I watch english movies, I read english books, I write an english blog – seems, that’s not enough.
Frustrating.

The next thing is, that, at least the past few days, the winter drepression – I thought I escaped from – got a new grip on me. My grades at school have their very special part at that. My accomplishments are described at best with ‘average’. Not what I actually want to be.
But I’m just too lazy to be better. I can’t bring myself to do better, learn harder, thigs like that. I just can’t.
Makes me feel sad, in a way…

Damn.

Physics, zero points.
Ooooooouwh.

Life’s a bitch.

Life sucks.
I want sun.
Warmth.
People.
But people suck too.

Edit needs a nice, italian speeking guy to help me with a presentation about Giacomo Casanova. In italian.
School’s a bitch, too.

A Bunch of Idiots.

Sometimes, life is really hard. And I don’t mean physical work, or earning money.
I mean getting along with your fellow men. It can be funny, sure. You can laugh about it, and be finde.
But there are some days, you just can’t laugh. And there are some people who seem just too stupid too live. A dead rat got a higher IQ.
There’s a girl at my school, same year as I am, who turned 18 half a year ago. So you can expect a certain mental maturity.
Today, in her biology cours, they talked about genetic stuff, and the subject, somehow, turned to albinism.
The girl earnestly claimed, that black people actually are not born black, but with, and become black by and by.
Remember? 18 years old. 12th grade. And you simply want to slam her head against something really hard.

Today ist one of those days, I cannot laugh about things like that.
Not even the weather tries to cheer me up. Cold, rainy, snow, wet, dark.

I really love winter. And sarcasm.

Excursion on “Perfect Timing”.

per·fect adj., verb, noun
• adj. 1. having everything that is necessary; complete and without faults or weaknesses.
2. completely correct; exact and accurate.
3. the best of its kind.
4. excellent; very good
5. SYN ideal
6. [only before noun] total; complete

tim·ing noun
1. [U,C] the act of choosing when sth happens; a particular point or period of time when sht happens or is planned.
2. [U] the skill of doing sht at exactly the right time.

[Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionaly]

This is the definition of perfect timing the Oxford Dictionary gives. Sounds easy. But it isn’t.

I think I already somewhere mentiond, that my timing often is perfectly.
Perfect, yes, but perfectly wrong. At least, the timing of my feelings.
I don’t talk of love, being in love with somebody, or things like that. That’s an extra chapter, I’ll attend to in a later post. Maybe.
It’s about friendship. About being up to doing something with somebody. About going out or sitting at home.
Sometimes, you just need some time for yourself. And I don’t mean this girly-beauty-day-wellness-stuff. I mean to spend one day in bed, with a good book, good music, cookies and coffee. Or just going for a walk alone.
A day, you just don’t want to see somebody else. I gess you know that.
The problem is, it’s not just one day. I could spend weeks living like a hermit. Weeks, when everybody seems determined to tick me off. And I mean really everybody. I’m actually quite tolerant. I can laugh about people. I can ignore them, no problem.
But there are weeks, they just need to look at me, just need to breath, and I feel like slapping them right into their face.
Unfortunately, this mood is attracting nerving people like a moth is attracted to a flame. Exactly during this weeks, some good friends have a birthdayparty, or ask me out, or just want to meet me for a coffee and a good talk.
I don’t wanna say, that actually I’m in this mood, oh no. I can’t have enough people round me at the moment.
It’s more like everybody else can’t have anybody around.

Disgusting thing. I hate my timing.

I added some new Songs. and some new Movies., and changed the whole Stuff.-page. So, just have a look and listen.

General Overhault.

New year, new style.

Had to get something new round here, as frequent visitors of my blog may have noticed.
Also the music-page had to bite the dust. I just couldn’t keep up with updating. Ok, actually I’m just too lazy, but that’s not the point.
In short, it was renamed to Stuff. and now contains some thoughts in terms of songs, books, movies and Stuff. like that.
Just visit, listen, and read, and maybe even write down for me some of your thoughts.

I should actually be learning physics right now, but strangely enough I don’t fancy doing so. Just wanted to mention this somewhere, somehow.

Restlessness.

Strange feelings, again.

Restlessness. Sounds good, actually. Interessting word. Sounds… dramatically, poetical. Melodramatic; like sittin’ in a dusty room, with only moonlight and the rain pouring against the window.

For me, it’s actually none of that. I thought, I got over that feeling, finally. But as soon as you think you overcame it, it’s back again.

You’re waiting for something. Something to happen. It’s like tension, everywhere. Your heart starts beating faster, your hands start to tremble. Like you’re up to something. Getting up and run. And then you really want to get up. You want to run, to get away from this feeling. But your body is too slow. The moment you want to get up, you lay back, because your brain just don’t cares about the body.

It’s restless, and its thoughts left the concerns of your body long ago. Insensibility and Ignorance for all you do, for all you think, for all you feel. That’s the other part of this feeling.

There is nothing more unimportant than this strange power, that tenses your body, but you can’t do anything about it.

Retrospection on a year.

So, finally its over. One more year survived.
I know I didn’t write for a long time. But first, there was nothing worth writing about it, and then, I simply coudn’t find the right words. Means, I was just too lazy.
Well, lets hope, the new year brings new motivation. But I won’t count on it.

Right, lets see, we stopped at my driver license. I guess, the next striking happening was my 18th birthday. Lucky as I am, I got an abandoned flat, in the house I live. My best friend chipped in a wall painting, and together with the 70s-style wallpaper, it was a quite cool location.

The party was… well, ok. Not really a party, more sitting together, talking, and listening to music. But it was good.

Then, school. 12th class is not as easy as I had imagined it. But it works. Nothing more to say.

Christmas was ok, too. I got a new mobile, a new laptop, nothing to complain about. My Dad ruined the new ” wood-burning-fireplace-inserts” with a glass of red wine. Merry Christmas.

New Years Eve was… well. As always. I almost got shot by a rocket. I hate sylvester.
Just a few words are left to say.

1.) It’s useless to disarm sexbombs. They only burst if you cold-shoulder them.

2.) Sometimes you’re the dog, and sometimes, you’re the tree.

3.) I always thought it is nonsens, when people said, the face is not important, beautiful hands are the main point. But I have to admit, they’re right.

Well.
Enoght for today.

Finally.

I got it, man! Finally I got my drivers license.

Just tell me how fuckin’ great I am.

And by the way, why? Holy crap, why is there always something, that doesn’t fit? Am I too critical? Are my visions just unconvertible? Seems like that.
I’m actually thinking of inventing imaginary friends.
An option to think about…

Alone, together.

I hate this fuckin’ feeling. You just want to be alone, because everything (and especially everyone) just sucks, but actually, you don’t want to be that alone. You want somebody who… fits.

I met several people the last weeks.
Some of them I sorted out immediately, because I simply disliked them.
Some of them I liked, but we had not much in common.
Some of them I wasn’t sure of, I didn’t know how to categorize, so I skipped them.
Some of them I got along with quite well, but I soon realized, that they’re too loud on the long run.
Some of them I didn’t notice, because they were too quiet.
Someday, I actually thought I found some people, not too loud and not too quiet, whose interests and opinions at least got the same directions like mine.
Unfortunately, I then discovered, that we spoke different languages.

So, I’m still searching for somebody, who, for the sake of variety, fits to my nature. That can’t be that difficult. It must not.